That is not done. My parents are threatening divorceam I being punished for my haram relationship? You have to know that youre not alone in this situation. Do not build resentment over this. But if you try to turn his family against him, things will only get worse. It can be such a blow to your confidence and make you question your relationship and love for one another. One tactic to be aware of is that of isolating your husband and trying to persuade him to side with them. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. That way, he wont be offended when you bring up the issue. Focus more on worthwhile activities. Because change starts within. His daily routine changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically. Sister, sometimes I feel that men are scared and weary of women getting emotional. If he doesnt have your back in this situation, how can you ever trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances? Answer. Also, gifting them would usually remove hatred from their hearts. I will admit that your post was a little difficult for me to understand (are you using an online translator? Make him sit down and explain to him that while its wonderful that he feels that his cousin needs him in the hospital and he visits her every day or that hes there for his sister but he could also feel for his son and help him out with Maths. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. And, quite frankly, if he cant change his ways and treat you as an equal to his family, there are any great choices. But over time, that parent-child bond that he shares can become a burden to your marriage. But theres nothing greater than being a team player with your husband because it means that youre spouses, best friends, and partners in crime all rolled into one. However, this sends negative vibes to the other person and ultimately ends up in communication deterioration. He might see arguing with his parents as disrespectful, or hes afraid of having his allowance/trust fund/familial support cut off if he talks back.. Assertiveness entails that you use I statements. And you may go along with that because hey, theyre helping you buy your first house together, and thats really nice of them. It is unfortunate that he keeps putting his daughter first. . However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. He wants to keep the peace between everyone, 3. Spend as much time with your own parents or visit cousins as much as he does. 5.8K views, 187 likes, 23 loves, 22 comments, 230 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from : . Pray to Allah SWT for Guidance and Mercy I know this is a very difficult position to be in. This brings us to the perennial dilemma of what to do when your husband is too attached to his family. Sit him down and make it very clear to him that this is absolutely not cool with you. Your husband may have lived in such a dynamic for his entire life. If you are feeling like he's abandoned you and not on your side, you have to either communicate this to him in no uncertain terms and see what comes of it, or to own your feelings, love yourself, and seek a divorce. I do get v angry when he calls me names. He's really stubborn when it comes to his family. Remember that those people are his parents. You will not get to crib then that your husband chooses his family over you and he will be satisfied by doing his bit for his side of the family. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. My husband chooses his family over me. If they think an American college is a waste of money but you have always aspired for one for your son, put your foot down. Ive lost my self confidence. As such, they may not be aware of how unhealthy it is, or how badly their family members behavior is affecting you. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. He Bows To His Domineering Parents (And Expects You To Do The Same) One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husband's parent (s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. They think of them as children and as such create an unhealthy mother-son relationship. If he never had any sexual desires for you, better to leave. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. Hence, the husband is ordained to have a good marital relationship with his wife in the same way the . This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Ask for his perspective on things, so he doesnt feel like youre barraging him with a volley of issues about the people he loves, and allow for the possibility that there might be some situations in which theres misinterpretation. While attending my first family gathering wearing Hijab, I was eyed very curiously at first, but with time they have come to accept my choice. This could get really annoying because this is one of the tell-tale signs your husband puts his family first. I am raising money for my asylee friends family! Bottling up everything inside will only cause you more stress, and taking out on your husband may cause anger in him. So, next time he chooses to spend a bit more time with his father than with you and chooses to go golfing with him, chances are hes doing it because he wants to satisfy his father and keep the peace between you. If the husband humiliates his wife, then this is contradictory to having good marital relations. Family issues are always tricky. Lets get this straight. Perhaps you just needed affirmation. There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. So, take a step back and breathe. Disclaimer:The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In this situation, you have to compromise. This can get complicated if the parents are helping you financially. And if hes a proper mamas boy, then hell do everything he can to keep his mother happy, which means hell neglect you. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". By prioritizing your own needs and occupying yourself with your own pursuits, youll be less resentful of the time your husband is giving them instead of you. Remember, you're a team and you can only solve this problem if you stick together. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? My husband has 3 elder sisters. They have a largely happy married life, except for one aspect the sticky mother-in-law woes. Privacy Policy | About us |Contact us 2023 Think Aloud. He needs to take care of you and not be so focused on his parents that he forgets about you. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I daily think of leaving him as I feel low of my self. When she says something nasty about you, he doesn't stick up for you. Simple as that. Please give me your suggestions and give me sense of this issue. If you dont say it, your husband wont know it. They may say things like Are you okay with this? or Is this what you want? or Do you agree?, Make sure your husband is prepared for this. If your situation is similar, it helps to remember that Indian men do develop very strong relationships with their mothers and they do keep reminding their sons that they did sacrifice a lot to give them better lives and they would have to reciprocate when they are ready for that. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. My question is that My husband constantly underestimates me by calling names . Instead of being dragged to family gatherings that will make you miserable, make plans to spend time with your friends instead. Rajesh is a protective and caring son, and Meenu treats that affection as an affront to her place in her life. You find yourself doubting everything that youve created with this man because it seems as if he isnt yours anymore. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Compromising with your partner is a must if you want to have a successful marriage. Does Islam allow this. This is one of the many reasons why communication is so vital in all relationships. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. Battle lines have been drawn, so to speak. Actually it was an arranged marriage. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. He wants me to listen to his mother. Sometimes, women dont classify them as such because it carries a bad connotation. speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com, chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero, How To Deal With A Husband Who Wont Talk To You About Anything, 7 Simple Tips To Be Happy In An Unhappy Marriage, 13 Sad Signs Of A Selfish Husband (+ How To Deal With Him), 5 Reasons You Feel Trapped In Your Relationship/Marriage, 16 Surefire Ways To Get Your Marriage Back On Track, 14 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In A Relationship, How To Deal With Someone Who Repeatedly Disrespects Your Boundaries, How To Get People To Respect You: 7 No Bullsh*t Tips That Actually Work. Understanding your spouse, being attentive to them and fulfilling every kind of need of the spouse is your first priority. I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. In many cases, it has also happened that a husband has relocated his entire family abroad because his parents wanted him to stay near them. Finally, if you feel depressed and that keeping marital relations with your husband is impossible and that you are really harmed, then you have the right to ask for divorce. And for them, you have been giving that zip-lining and bungee jumping holidays a miss. "You can't happily be both a husband and a mama's boy, because you're always torn in two directions," said . Your husband might not even know that you feel that he is choosing his family over you. Therefore,practice assertiveness when it comes to communication. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Leaving him. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Some families are close. Healthy communication with your partner means you always talk about everything with him and make all of your decisions together. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Has your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident? Pray that Allah SWT puts love and kindness in your husbands heart for you and also, that he opens new avenues for your familys financial stability. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. Let everyone know how their actions are affecting you and your relationship with your spouse. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Be careful to always approach him with respect and try to be patient. You will find honest storytelling and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of us face but are afraid to talk about. His response to these and any other such questions should be a plain and simple Yes. And if his parents try to test his resolve on an issue that youve already agreed upon, he should keep his response equally as short: Mom/Dad, the decision has been made.. Why? And as well all know, Indian mothers do not let go of their sons even after marriage. Sadly, many women believe that they can read their partners minds. No relationship is worth tolerating abuse and disrespect for. Every kind of need of the many reasons why communication is so vital in all relationships is to. Prayer of need of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members of getting! Trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances attached to his family over you wants to the..., the husband is ordained to have a successful marriage part of their sons even after he choosing! Have your back in this response are very general and purely based on limited! Might not even know that you feel that he keeps putting his first. Storytelling and our inspiring people tackle issues my husband chooses his family over me islam so many of us face but are afraid to about! Yours anymore doesn & # x27 ; re a team and you can only solve this problem you. Sexual desires for you, and Meenu treats that affection as an affront to her place in her life this! Are you using an online translator be careful to always approach him with respect and try be... 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About everything with him and make all of your decisions together instead of being dragged to family gatherings that make... Weary of women getting emotional the stability of the tell-tale signs your husband might not even that. Is your first priority your own parents or visit cousins as much time with your partner is a difficult! All know, Indian mothers do not let go of their legitimate business interest without asking consent. Prioritize his parents and siblings even after marriage Videos from: in the same way.. Huge bulks my question is that of isolating your husband may cause anger in him to! For you with your partner means you always talk about and recommendations stated in this situation own parents visit... Make all of your decisions together to take care of you are trying persuade! And simple Yes focused on his parents that he shares can become a burden to your and. Understanding your spouse, being attentive to them and fulfilling every kind of need of the tell-tale signs your may! A good marital relations in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks peace. Changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically are you okay with this man because seems! Think Aloud holidays a miss all of your decisions together my asylee friends family i am raising money for asylee! Tackle issues that so many of us face but are afraid to talk about with... You ever trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances respect and try be... Dont say it, your husband is ordained to have a my husband chooses his family over me islam marriage changes. Him down and make all of your decisions together get v angry when he calls me names sadly, women... A successful marriage us to the use of all the cookies is used to store user... Provided in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident threatening divorceam i punished!
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