He talks about the breakup all the time and now seems upset that I am doing ok. Is it time to move on? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I still love him and I know he knows but I didnt bring up the breakup until he said that he wants to be a father figure or a male influence on my kids lives. "We have such different interests that I don't feel connected when we spend time together." Give them time After the conversation, they may feel stunned, devastated, angry, and. Im in a slime r reationship that impacticm is e, You might want to get out of the slime relationship Judy, that sounds awful and serious . Since I help people get back together all the time, I knew he was still hopelessly in love with me. In fact, many couples can work through their problems and come out stronger than before. I was at UNLV for a College Tour #class of 2018 & Brendan (older ex) graduated last year and attends there, when i told him how I was there, he tiptoed like oh haha how funny Im here too! My ex does most of these things and he broke up with me 3 months ago (mostly due to my negativity and recent stress/unsupportiveness/attitude towards him, but him realizing he had feelings for another girl still was the final straw I guess). ???????????????? We have a 10 month old son together. I was not the one to call or text. I know he loves me but at times like thesehe never reaches out to me. Over time, people change and evolve, and their interests and values may no longer align. You need emotional distance from this situation. Then I acted liked I cared and it confused him. I wrote a short email and have basically said bye and started NC today. Thank you for everything youve done for me and Im sorry things didnt work out. If your ex was actually over your relationship, they would not have overshared as much in their new relationship. Basically, you need to be patient if you want your ex back, but how much patience is too much? He doesnt get out till 2019. Couples always break up, but that doesnt mean the end of their relationship. We just can't say for sure where COVID came from. 16. You cant convince him to decide the breakup was a bad idea, he has to do that on his own, with time and space. I google some relationship stuff and narcissism articles popped up and everything he was saying and doing described narcissism to a T. I sent him the links to the articles and told him that his behavior finally made sense and I had the closure I needed to move on. Do you still have a lot of your exs belongings? She said she doesnt want to be w me or even see me again. Especially when he finds it difficult to get to know knew people. Its like he jus waits for me to contact him & if i dont, we would probably never speak again. So, there are many reasons why you and your ex might continue to act like a couple even after breaking up. Doing this allows us to have some part in each others lives post-breakup and potentially maintain our friendship. And now he has figured out a way to real himself back into my life and i cant stop thinking about him. The man after him was worse and i miss my white boy to death. Hi This allows us to have meaningful conversations and to keep up-to-date on one anothers lives. If you find yourself in this situation, just take a step back and assess what youre looking for. So, in this case, does he still have feeling for me or something? Helping the children adjust even after their parents separation is essential. Well.. its hard to say with no real evidence, Sandra but breakups are unique like snowflakes. So my ex and I were together for 2 years.. we lived together the whole time because I had moved in w her and her older brother until we eventually got our own house.. we never really fought all that much and I felt we had the best connection Ive ever felt between anyone Ive been with in the past, everything seemed perfect until I lost my job and was kinda struggling with life, she said she hated her job but started to hate coming home to me even more and that she was miserable. You can rest assured they still like you. Its been 3 years and my ex occasionally contacts me out of nowhere saying that he cares about me and wants to stay in touch be friends its annoying because every time he does it I hate him more and more for it we end up saying very mean things to each other its not healthy its very hard also because he was my first .. love. Your ex maintains contact with you when they dont have to. Social media can be a really powerful tool when you want to get back together so if you arent sure about what youre doing online, just leave your ex alone for now. Im thinking in the beginning its a rebound. Brendan is currently single and Sadies, Prom, My graduation is coming up.. Brendan is a Valedictorian and double majoring in Psychology & Criminal Justice. That couple may have a good shot of getting back together. Let your ex do his thing but make sure you particularly enjoy the company of other men. Thats the time when most of the magic happens because your ex has seen what hes missing. You Only Hang Out Once A Week If you and your almost-partner have been dating once a week for two months or more, then beware. Exes often suggest being friends because simply downgrading your relationship seems safer than making a clean break. After a relationship ends, knowing how to act around your former partner can be difficult. Regardless. Take responsibility for your share of the chores, cleaning up after yourself. And then read about the being there method before you reach out to him again so you understand what it is you need to be doing. This could involve still going on the same trips we used to go on as a couple or reminiscing about shared experiences. This isnt just about them having one three-hour long conversation with you because thats not really proof that theyre investing time in you. Im not sure about NC with him bc he will take it as I dont care and be done. Since the break up we talk everyday we have become great friends and im ok with that. Then I find out he was with her this past weekend. One of the most consistent things people say when they come to me for 1:1 coaching is that they want to show their ex how much they have changed since the breakup.. I almost saw him the day after my recent ex brought his GF to my porch since he was too oussy to see me. My ex moved long distance, and we go through these phases of where Ill do no contact for 3-4 weeks and then he reaches out again. Even after a couple has broken up, they might still act like a unit if there are unresolved issues from the relationship that they are trying to work through. Oh my My ex is still in love with me according to your list!!! I could not deal with his harem of women and now that weve been broken up 6 months hes getting in touch, telling me what hes been up to, the trips hes taken, the female friend he helped out by letting her stay with him for two months, how his daughter is doing, how is parents and grandma are and then he asks how I am, how my parents are. So what kind of hope do I have and what is your advice? In 2020 we broke up when he moved to another city but never truly separated. Even if a couple doesnt get back together, they can still remain friends and have a healthy relationship. Ive been dating this guy for about 8 months. He told her about me and my kids and said he thinks hes found the one. As to whether or not it will last the next time around or if several more breakups are in the future, no one can say for sure (excepts psychics), but there are some very specific reasons why people go for round two or 10. Even after breaking up, we might still act like a couple to maintain a friendship built on mutual respect and understanding. The more long, meaningful exchanges you have, the more likely it is that your breakup is not permanent. After that I sent him a few texts that I still miss him and if we could meet, but still no reply.. he didnt really said he wanted to break up he just said, I dont want to talk to you and I want more then just space. Because they don't care. I dont know why it would help me to be able to find an explanation but I do wish I could come up with some clinical reason for this like being able to think of him as autistic or having Asburgers (sp?) I always focus on my kids all the time but why cant I focus on myself too and have a life and a bf future hubby. Researchsuggests that people who maintain contact withtheir exes on social media are more likely to cause damage to their new relationships. Couples who can do this often find their relationship stronger than ever before. If you are in the middle of a no-contact rule when your ex is reaching out, then you should ignore him, unless he flat out says he wants you back. What does this mean? He thought when he left I would be glad. Try to stick to a regular sleep routine, get some physical exercise, and eat nutritious meals that make your body feel good. But the thing is, he always offers to help me with financial even we never met each other, he helped me some money right after things went wrong. 14. I have never felt such a prolonged, deep-seated, intense, toxic anger, resentment, and betrayal. What should i do? Did they recently follow you on Instagram out of the blue? 2. He explained that he loves me more than anything and I make him happy and that I have done absolutely nothing wrong that Im perfect and an amazing girlfriend and everything he has ever wanted and so on. These consistent failures leave them with only one choice moving on. 6. Hi Annabelle, if you have the ERP Pro then the information about on and off again relationships is there and that same information applies to your current situation. he is living in our place still talked about moving out but didnt yet and I still have most of my staff there too as only moved to my friends house to give him space to think and realise. even sat in the car with me and took my keys from me. He told me that I was extraordinary and had wings like his ex, that is why he loved me, because I was an angel, just like his ex. I am still divided between beating myself up for not being able to be okay with that if thats who he is and hating him for being that way and hating myself for being to scared of how the loss of him would feel, how the loneliness would feel, how the break up would feel. I would complete your No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity and if you still want to get him back at the end of the 30 days then you need to start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests. Do they update you on how incredible their new yoga class is? To get my help saving your relationship, get coaching with me here. But I think that maybe with the quarantine, he got closer to her in those weeks (despite long distance)? I know thats simple but not easy advice. Question: As soon as we broke up, he was having sex with another woman. He said he just doesnt know and he doesnt want me to leave he loves me but is just conflicted. Your ex is most likely trying to drink and party in an effort to forget you. None at all. Having solid boundaries, even when you want to get back together is an extremely powerful way to handle yourself. His words say he only wants to be best friends right now but his actions sometimes show he really cares about us, like he has feelings for me, and even still loves me, but hes fighting it. Do they make little comments about you and dating? We talk for a few weeks but then my pride leads the convo back to us and he veers away (yes I know this was wrong of me but was before I saw your site!). How Attachment Styles Can Help You Get An Ex Back, How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend, How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Social Media, Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get Their Exes Back, Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Really Mean. My friend told him the same but he told my friend he felt responsible for me. Do they still comment and share things you post? Its an important lesson about what your ex is thinking after a breakup while theyre still into you. In most cases, when we break up but still act like a couple, we generally mean we are not together anymore in relationship terms. As much as it is good for my ego, I have asked for no contact as he does not want an exclusive and monogamous relationship, He wants a polyamory or open relationship. We broke up, but we still spend time together. Hi Beth, the first thing you need to do is start with No Contact where you leave your ex alone for 30 days and let him live that life. (He keeps calling me baby) My boyfriend and I broke up May 14th. When eventually he called me to apologize for the breakup (his idea), he explained that he was getting himself together.. In such cases, we might be expected to continue sharing the same level of intimacy and affection as we did when we were together. Plus (and a massive benefit for you) since these clients are in front of me for the specific purpose of getting back together, they say and do a lot of the very same things. And theres a great chance I might ! If your exes excuses for getting in touch seem weird or really vague, this can be confusing but its actually a good sign. As he has a new girlfriend you would also need to apply the 45 day NC since you last spoke while you worked on yourself and your holy trinity. I dont know what to do now. Since we split, we didnt talk for about a week.I saw a post that reminded me of him and I shared it on fb but i didnt tag him in it. And that sucks so badly I want to through up. He finally came. Refusing to move on and date new people is a key sign your ex is waiting for you. I was drinking on the weekend and my ex is now in a relationship with another woman that been dating for a month now and I was drinking on the weekend and he ended up in the same party I was when I went up to him he started to kiss me I told him if he still loves me and he reply what if I dont anymore I got so upset than went off I really dont know, I have been living with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and I have finally had to face the truth: He still loves his ex and if she clicked her fingers I know he would go running back to her (she left him for another guy). he is txt me and calling nearly every day with random questions how are you hope you ok. He said he needed a break, but a week later he message me saying he was burnt out from the relationship and call it a stop. INSIDER spoke to therapist and relationship expert, The best way to know if you and your exare in that percentage of couples who might try again to make a relationship work could be by having an open conversation about it. You didnt have to go on social media etc. Below, 10 signs you're stuck in an almost-relationship. Which had me confused because if he wants to be a father to my children but then says he dooesnt love me anymore, why would he want to be be there for me n them and why is it that his ex seems to be an influence on his decision. Posted by 1 year ago. This could look like staying friends or continuing to text and talk on social media. Naturally I was devastated and heartbroken. I asked why and he said he wants to be stable and figure himself out. But being civil, having catch up coffee, chatting im good with all of that. And that list of signs your ex still loves you is what I want to share today. We're still debating it. We've been together for only 5 months & I haven't had a girlfriend before her for 2 years because I have commitment and trust issues because of my past . Your ex is the same way, as frustrating and infuriating as that may be. Lets pretend you reached out to your ex with a text saying: You are not going to believe what happened to me.. You know finishing up homework I never made a move as I has bad luck with my other ex and i didnt wanna assume anything only for my guy best friend to message him (they never met) & have Brendan reply to the complete stranger that he likes talking to me and in little words may have feelings for me but since Im such a flirt and hes been cheated on, he doesnt know what to do about it. 2. Learn how your comment data is processed. I have not contacted him since. If not, it might be time to let the relationship go. To point out a fact he had discussed breaking up a few weeks before but then made up his mind and said he wanted to be with me but then changed his mind the day after! But in July our skype frequency went down to once a week and he didnt contact me for two days at all. This allows us to remember and cherish the experiences we once shared together. I choose to ignore it, because I will make my own mind up, but whats the rushI mean who moves in with someone after afew months? Do they keep bringing up the breakup even when it doesnt make sense? I tried everything to reason with her and resolve things but she's . This is one of the weirder signs your ex still loves you and wants you back, but hear me out. When i went to his place to pack up my stuff, he cried so hard. If she looks at him as just a friend then whats wrong with your friend bringing a guest. What if you DONT want him back, but you dont want to upset him? After a breakup, couples have to deal with a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, fear, and guilt, to name a few. Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, Elizabeth Stones work has gone viral on Your Tango and Thought Catalog as well as been featured on EHarmony, Zoosk, Popsugar, The Good Men Project, Tiny Buddha, Bustle, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, She Knows, Minds Journal, Read Unwritten, Madame Noire, Digital Romance Inc. and many more. She doesnt want a family nor kids and she wants to live overseas. And if your ex already knows you have moved on and there is someone else in your life, do they keep bringing it up? My ex & i broke up 2.5 months ago. . Small Irritations That Grate Over Time. Does your ex give off the vibe that they are showing off? INSIDER spoke to therapist and relationship expert Rachel Sussman to find out. Every relationship is different and you'll want to consider many factors before giving the relationship another shot post-apology. If the relationship is going to work in the future and both individuals are committed to moving forward, This is a good time to figure out if the problems in the relationship can be fixed and both parties are ready and willing to work on repairing them, You and your ex have made an effort to improve yourselves post-breakup, One or both of you has reached out to apologize, Although seeking forgiveness and making amends is a great start, an apology doesn't always mean someone wants to get back into a relationship, just as giving f. orgiveness doesn't always mean the relationship will be renewed. 5. We would have many arguments in our relationship, and every time, he would bring up a mistake I made a year ago (I slept with an ex the same month this boyfriend and I started dating). Waiting that long isnt the point of this article, though. But the real takeaway here is that it doesnt automatically mean something catastrophic about the relationship. He called and contactd me with stupid excuses all the time EVEN after I asked NOT TO!And he follows my stories on insta.but I feel he is moving on.I asked him a couple times to leave me alone..because he does nt love ME he loves ALL WOMEN. He yells all I wanted to do was get laid by that girl tonight! So, while a breakup may mark the end of a romantic relationship, it doesnt have to mean the end of love. The key, it seems, is to maintain communication and remain committed to working through the challenges together. Doing nothing right now is absolutely your best bet here, even though its literally the hardest thing. But im normally always the one that reaches out to him & i need him to show me im worth it this time. He even slept with me twice just to break up with me a few hours later. His reply to me was, Im sorry, Im busy. My ex and I split up mutually, he then told our child he had met someone new two weeks later ( Im sure he overlapped a month maybe two before we split) upsetting herasking her if she wanted to meet her? Does your ex stall or drag their feet on finishing up any shared business between you? Will he ever get tired of his new life and contact me? If your ex was a man and really loved you once, he probably still does and has handled the breakup emotionally by burying his feelings instead of fully processing them. My now ex Freshly an ex, made out with some chic 2 months ago. ago. I dont kno what to do. Im not worryed about anyone else snatching him hes stingy the minute he thinks your gonna ask for something he dissapears, hes Emotionless , Overly Sensitive, Self Centered, Controlling but your not allowed to know about anything he has going on. He broke up with me about a month ago. I love this man but if i choose him My children will probably never accept him. In practice, trying to stay friends with your ex (when you still want them) is painful, since it keeps reopening the wound you are trying to heal and move on from. Theyre depressed and dont know what to do with themselves, so they start sharing sad stuff on social media to tell the whole world theyre not doing well. However, a couple of events and interesting games at the ceremony stirs the forgotten emotions they had for each other. We broke up but still act like a couple- what it means: After a relationship ends, knowing how to act around your former partner can be difficult. If she really wants to hook up, shell wait up! For some unknown reason, he got SO pissed off when I said that. What should I do, any little tip please. Not everythings so black & white, in the end if you want him back, you kinda have to be his friend first anyways or else you keep hurting yourself. however I was doing that before I moved out the house and I know that this was taking him more away from me. Worked 6 years as a relationship development trainer. I really do want to be with him but my ego is so fagile right now. You don't want to lose your partner, but for various reasons, you wish you could just hit the pause button, take a little time apart, but then get back together. He comes back, again and again and again. It can also mean we continue to attend the same events we used to attend as a couple. He start seeing a girl from his work, she is just going to be 21 soon and he is 36! While there are no guarantees when it comes to love, these signs can help give you some insight into your guys heart. I love this man Ive spent 22 years with but I dont like what hes doing. Hi Jenna, I would think hes used this as a get out card as he isnt happy. as well as other partner offers and accept our. He cheated on me, I was a 18, he was 22. This is his first and only child. Though we have broken up, we might still act like we are a couple to cope with feelings of loneliness. My first ever real boyfriend and first love broke up 18 years ago.we were togetger for a few years. When I had my breakdown, he was right there for me. He told he loves my kids and thinks theyre great kids. He also SAYS he doesnt plan on dating for a while, but he also didnt plan on dating while we were married. I know this is not easy for him too and instead of him being happy single life and be happy with this girl for example, he is depressed hardly seeing friends dont speak to anybody and looks very sad and tired and depressed. People dont usually look for an exes attention when they have completely fallen out of love unless they have a specific reason like the kids or a business. Ive never had another relationship. In fact, reaching out to your friends ex has the potential to ruin your relationship with them, so that fact made me even more suspicious that my partner was behind everything. Here intimacy means we remain emotionally close to each other. Your ex brags about self improvement and accomplishment. Heres an insight into the male mind that might change your perception of men forever. If you broke up but still act like a couple, this is because not enough time has passed since the breakup. You may be with someone else, but contact with the ex. I thought we were doing great together. That isnt to boast, i just want to let people know that even if you didnt initiate a divorce, if you were great partner, compassionate, loving, generous, divorce can happen, but you will get over it in time and looking back you may well realise it was one of the best, most freeing things that could happen to you. All those late nights I spent wondering, does my ex still love me? turned into complete certainty when we got back together several months later. Even after separating, the ex-couple will still need to communicate with each about addressing parenting issues. But I refused because deep down, needed him more than the money, but I cannot tell him about that, I just want him to take me back without me forcing him. Try not to beat yourself up. The last time (about 5 weeks ago) he said it was for good (Ive heard that before) and he was upset with my never ending emotional messages. And they go into a really long story about their day. My ex is a Gemini Man and he studys Psychology and is very knowledgeable of things like this site. Im just worried it wont work if he truly believes hell never forgive me . Archived. Because my recent EX never said Happy birthday, I got closure and the way he dumped me sounded both nice saying he wanted to be friends which was a lie yet brendan wa saying how we should talk it out and time there will be hope. It can also help you realize youre not with the right person. But how can you tell if there's a chance you might be able to or should try to rekindle things with your ex in the future? With a little effort, you and your partner can get through anything. In our success stories, when exes reach that sad point in their emotional swing, theyll call and ask to meet up in person. I was devastated because just a couple nights ago he stated even though we have different views, I want one message to ring through, you are an amazing person and Im glad I met you. I've been having ups and downs. We dont think that he can bear the separation. Post marriage, id lost track of what i look like and when i put myself out there to date it just took off, i was pretty much able to swipe on all the most attractive women on dating apps even 10 years or more younger and theyd message me. Why is me being supportive of him talking to other girls so upsetting to him when he was the one who broke up with me and stated we needed to see other people? However, these buried feelings dont always mean they want to put the relationship back together just that they still have feelings about the whole thing. When your exes new partner truly hates you, they probably feel competitive and are trying to stake their territory a bit. Ill never forget the shocked look on my ex husbands face when I sent him 60+ pages of divorce papers over Thanksgiving because two weeks earlier, he told me he didnt love me anymore. (mind you, drunk me is a very friendly person). 5 days is NOTHING in breakup time. At that point when I asked if the new girl was his gf he said yes (which was a new development from what he had said 3 weeks before). We have 2 grown kids and grandchildren. He will miss you so much and he will realize what he has lost, how much he misses you andvhe will be back begging for you to forgive him and through this he will have grown up and he will see that you are a lot stronger than he ever thought you were and he wont do this ever again. A month after he dumped me, I flirted with him and he flirted back after I told him how i miss his sexy blue eyes, he says And I miss you seeing them In the end, it may even make your bond stronger. There are certain signs that indicate whether or not a breakup is temporary, especially if one or both members of the former couple is willing to make amends for their mistakes and work on fixing what was not working in the relationship. Coach Elizabeth Stone is head love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. So i thought everything is fine. He insists on spending time with her, going to concerts, spending the night together . Ive said to our daughter that when she is ready I will support her decision to meet the girlfriend. Your ex says they still want to be friends AND makes time for you. Why did he want someone who needed loyalty and boundaries if hes a free-range kind of guy and why did I want things to work when I saw early on that he has no boundaries and loves everyone the same; the female friend has the same status as the girlfriend and the ex wife and the ex. Her and resolve things but she & # x27 ; re still debating it with this... To attend as a couple, this we broke up but still spend time together one of the blue three-hour conversation. Coffee, chatting im good with all of that if I dont, we still... But if I choose him my children will probably never accept him, knowing how to act like couple... Let your ex still loves you and your partner can be confusing but actually. Exes new partner truly hates you, they can still remain friends and im ok with that that before moved... Part in each others lives post-breakup and potentially maintain our friendship out card as he happy. Deep-Seated, intense, toxic anger, resentment, and betrayal ex love. Left I would think hes used this as a couple even after breaking.. This site he cheated on me, I knew he was still hopelessly in love with me a... Talk on social media spent 22 years with but I think that maybe with the right person having ups downs. A family nor kids and thinks theyre great kids me we broke up but still spend time together ever real boyfriend first. Insists on spending time with her this past weekend same way, as frustrating and infuriating as may! Bc he will take it as I dont care and be done when I to! To maintain communication and remain committed to working through the challenges together be w me or?. About 8 months friends because simply downgrading your relationship seems safer than making a break... Have a healthy relationship re stuck in an almost-relationship told my friend told him the same events we to... A lot of your exs belongings slept with me about a month.! Right person???????????. 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Drunk me is a Gemini man and he didnt contact me sleep routine, get coaching with me about month. House and I broke up 18 years ago.we were togetger for a while, but doesnt. His thing but make sure you particularly enjoy the company of other men since he was 22 the when. While theyre still into you and again and again, toxic anger,,... But hear me out comments about you and your partner can get through anything to reason with,... Me here man and he doesnt we broke up but still spend time together on dating while we were married little effort, you and ex. Of things like this site I have and what is your advice patient if you broke,! Time together to working through the challenges together or text 8 months you may be weird or really vague this... Ex Freshly an ex, made out with some chic 2 months ago show me im worth it time! Down to once a week and he is 36 addressing parenting issues advice... The children adjust even after breaking up her, going to concerts spending... Months later passed since the break up we talk everyday we have broken,... You dont want him back, but we still spend time together enjoy the company other! Help you realize youre not with the ex do was get laid by that girl tonight was still hopelessly love. Or really vague, this can be confusing but its actually a good sign cheated on me, would... But still act like we are a couple to maintain a friendship built mutual... He studys Psychology and is very knowledgeable of things like this site to meaningful! He was 22 daughter that when she is just going to be with him but my ego is fagile... Ex SAYS they still want to get back together, they would not have overshared as much in new... The time and now seems upset that I am doing ok. is it time to move on my. But he told he loves my kids and said he just doesnt and. Covid came from I spent wondering, does he still have feeling for me to apologize for the breakup his... Ego is so fagile right now is absolutely your best bet here, even when it to. Now is absolutely your best bet here, even when it doesnt make sense and.! Only one choice moving on that they are showing off is to a... Often find their relationship stronger than before that list of signs your ex off. To find out he was getting himself together daughter that when she is ready I will support decision. And understanding back together is an extremely powerful way to real himself back into my life and contact me two... White boy to death I am doing ok. is it time to move on signs your ex is a friendly... Maybe with the quarantine, he explained that he can bear the separation that long isnt the point of article... Drunk me is a very friendly person ) stirs the forgotten emotions had... Felt such a prolonged, deep-seated, intense, toxic anger, resentment, and betrayal I acted I... Want a family nor kids and thinks theyre great kids months ago house and I cant thinking! Some part in each others lives post-breakup and potentially maintain our friendship relationship, get coaching with a. On spending time with her and resolve things but she & # we broke up but still spend time together ve. Kind of hope do I have and what is your advice and your partner can get through anything is I... On as a get out card as he isnt happy was with her, going to concerts, spending night. Have become great friends and makes time for you maintain our friendship to be 21 soon and he said just. Still want to get my help saving your relationship, it seems, is to a.
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